whatever?

I'm a victim!

2009-03-10T09:07:00.001+10:00

Current mood: peaceful
Category: Blogging

Cameron gave me pause for thought the other day when he said to me "If you worry too much about being out of control, you will be" At first I believed it to be a rather masterful way of saying "don't worry" and that was that. Upon further reflection however, extrapolating as it where, I'm beginning to fully realise the wisdom of those words, at least in relation to me and my perceived "out of controlledness"
For my entire adult life, and a large portion of my adolescence I was annoyed by "victims", you know, those people who incessantly say things like "it's not my fault" or "it's all because of this thing someone else did". I never really had a huge amount of time for them as I believe that your life is what you make it, and while shit things happen to good people, you can choose to move past it, or linger there, forever.
There are two women in my life who epitomise my feelings on this subject. Camillie, and my aunt. Now Camille has every reason on god's green earth to be a "victim" but she's not. Shit happens, and she's gone on to have a relitively good life considering, with an awesome attitude to life. My Aunt, with no descernable reason I can fathom, she had a good childhood and upbringing (i mean, my dad's pretty awesome) and for some strange reason, everything is everybody elses fault. I've just never understood that way of thinking, and personally, don't really have time for people who live like that.
I have relinquished control over a certain aspect of my life, and as a result have been feeling "out of control" when it comes to alcohol. I cannot pinpoint when this shift in thinking happened, but I'm sure there will be a few knowing smiles when I say it was sometime between the ages of 20 and 26....... I have taken my eyes off the road, and hands off the wheel, and as a consequence am out of control. But instead of thinking "hmmm, I will place my hands back on this wheel and gain control of this" I have, for reasons attributed to other insecurities I have gained in the last few years, though "oh no, I'm out of control, I'm out of control!"
All of my insecurities and problems have been created by negative reinforcement from third parties. And even though I am now aware of the effect reinforcement of any kind can have on a persons life, it never occured to me that the reinforcement (positive OR negative) can come from within.
Another piece of wisdom has fallen out of Cameron's mouth; "If you are constantly told your antlers are ugly. Even though you know you don't even have antlers. You will feel insecure about your ugly antlers and try to hide them" I'm sure I have thought and been told this exact thing before. However, I was truely unaware of my SELF'S impact on the look of my antlers.
I've stopped shouting "I'm out of control!"
Now I just need to get my eyes on the road and my hands upon the wheel.
It's time to drive this baby again.
If only my antlers could get in the car!

Currently listening:
Greatest Hits
By Queen
Release date: 2004-08-17

Sight Seeing in London

2009-03-09T11:33:00.000+10:00

Category: Blogging

So I'm old.
I planned myself a little (read long) trip around London today. What I forgot to think about was the damn tube closures, so instead of taking 30 mins to get to the station i wanted, i needed to change trains 3 times, and it ended up taking 90 min!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But that was OK
I woke up with my alarm at 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!! very early for me at the moment, was talking with Cameron tonight, and, you know, i think 8 is the earliest I have woken up in the last 2 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I used to think i was pretty good when i woke up at 8 even though i didn't have to be at work till 10..... ha
had a nice walk, Oxford St, Regent St, Bond St, Berkely Square, Park Lane, Mayfair, Westiminster Abbey, Buckinham Palace and Big Ben. Also had a close up look at the London Eye. I was really excited about today, i mean all of that stuff was exciting too, but, was really looking forward to the Dali Gallery......... was GBP15!!!!!!!!!!!!! and kindof shit really. I mean, i know i sound like a snob and a name dropper, but the Dali Museum in Figueres, Spain, was infinitley better. I would even go so far as to say, even if you haven't been to the exhibition in Spain, don't bother with the one in London. It was like walking into a run down building when i got to the exhibition on the waterfront, most of the stuff they had were replicated (or replicas) of stuff in the museum in spain, and the Audio Guide was basically just some random guy telling you what was written on the explanitory plaques near the artworks. SHIT.!.
Apart from feeling ripped of at the Dali gallery, I had a good day.
It was sunshiny and wonderful in the morning, and then windy and raining in the early afternoon (at least i had the dali universe to escape to), and then later in the afternoon the sun came out again.
But, and I feel very shit saying this, my feet hurt like f*$k and i think i pulled a muscle in my hip! O-L-D
off again tomorrow, to see St Pauls cathedral and the tower of london. maybe some other stuff, but my breath is not held. just those two things would be good enough

Currently listening:
Hypocrisy Is the Greatest Luxury
By Disposable Heroes Of Hiphoprisy
Release date: 1992-03-03

Stuffity Stuff

2009-02-27T06:10:00.000+10:00

Current mood: surprised
Category: Blogging

I really didn't realise until today how much I need to work. Whether that be behind a counter and desk selling books or making treats and raising children. Not having a direction within myself during the day is causing my brain to stagnate.
I have now managed to cross a few Monopoly streets off the Board :) Fenchurch Street Station, Strand, Oxford Street, Euston Road..... I think that's your lot, so far....
It's amazing to me the woman I am now, compared to who I was before I met Cameron. I don't know whether he actually has anything to do with this shift in myself or not, but I am definitely different. I know I have nothing to prove to him. He saw me at my worst. Fuck, I mean, I threw up on the guy and he still calls me beautiful. I just shocked at the difference between the Bronwyn in the UK in 2009 compared to the Bronwyn in the UK in 2008. I used to be desperate. Desperate to get hammered, desperate to pickd up, desperate....to be different to who I was. Now I like her.

Random act of kindness

2009-02-15T12:38:00.001+10:00

Current mood: pleased
Category: Blogging

Tonight I am feeling rather fond of myself:)
Went for a walk to the store again today, and I took an old plastic bag to reuse :) It was funny though, almost made me laugh out loud, cause I had a Kroger's bag and I was at Walgreen's. I told the cashier that I didn't want a bag as I had my own, he had a puzzled look on my face when I produced my old plastic bag from my pocket, AND he tried to double bag it for me......... hmmm, me thinks he didn't quite understand why I had my won bag with me, but after and initial rocky start, we worked out the kinks in our relationship and he handed me my change. But, and here is the funny part, there was a lady behind me in line and when she saw him placing my goods into the Kroger's bag she asked "Are Y'all usin' Kroger's bags now?" in all seriousness....... I did explain to the poor love that it was indeed a bag I had produced, and then after a little back and forth it was established that yes, I was trying to reduce my waste by at least not accepting a bag for my three items..... I think I may have contributed a *small* amount to bringing the three R's to Alexandria :) REduce, REuse and REcycle...... yaya
On my way home from the store, with my procured goods in my aforementioned reused plastic Kroger's bag, I was passed by a man on a bike. Who was transporting a Television on the handlebars of said bike, and holding what looked to be a rather large paper bag with stuff in it. A little ways down the road, the man stopped his forward motion and placed the paper bag on the side of the road, attempting to get a better handle on the bag. I could see this was not going to work, as by now, the bag had torn..... Quickly rushing to his aid I asked whether I could help him in any way, he thanked me, but said he was riding 'a fair ways yet'. I, ever the quick thinker, then offered him the use of my previously described reused Kroger's bag for the items in the broken paper bag. The smile I got was awesome :) so I helped him transfer the contents from the now obsolete paper bag into the reused plastic bag. Just so happened to be two rather large bags of peanuts! cool. I then proceded to walk the rest of the way home with a bottle of mountain dew and pringles in my hands.
All in all, a good day

Fingers crossed!

2009-02-02T15:01:00.001+10:00

Current mood: focused
Category: Life

Well, I'm sitting here thinking, and it's good. Tomorrow a friend of a friend is taking me into a workplace called Star Tek to apply for a job. All of my friends are about 99% positive that I will get a job, Resume unseen, but I will take one with me anyway. If they like me enough to sponsor my work visa I will be here, in Alexandria till Sept at least! It's kindof exciting!
I realised the other day that Alexandria is I suppose the Louisianan equivilant to Ipswich, talking about cost of living and demographic etc. And whilst living in Ipswich had never occured to me back home, I'm quite happy and excited with the prospect of living in a small city like this. I have only walked around quite close to where I'm staying a few times, but even the 'rough' area, wasn't really that rough. I mean, the houses were smaller, more run down, and it was a dirtier part of town no doubt, but everyone was REALLY nice. I mean, everyone I passed said a big cheery "How Y'all doin?" which is a little more than I get back home sometimes.
So we will see
If there is no luck :( I suppose Cameron and I will come back to Brissie. Not entirely sure yet what the exact plan of attack is yet, as we're waiting to find out whether I have a job with Star Tek. I'm also going to post my Resume and current situation up on a few job sites, so we will see if there is any luck in the next 3 weeks.
Hmm
Very Interestingk
Everything is going to be wonderful!

Currently listening:
The Singles 1992-2003
By No Doubt
Release date: 2003-11-25

ode to A

2009-01-28T07:11:00.001+10:00

Current mood: sleepy
Category: Writing and Poetry

It's crumbling
but vibrant
Beware
they told me
but everyone
so nice
she strikes a funny picture
young while girl
obviously not from here
walking the streets
after nothing from no one
how does one not draw attention
in a place
where she is so out of place
but embraced
however strange she appears to be

Currently listening:
Journey Through Time
By Moody Blues
Release date: 1996-11-21

19/01/09

2009-01-22T11:43:00.000+10:00

Current mood: hungry
Category: Writing and Poetry

........

I'm finally on my way back to you

where you wait

and wait tables

you trusted me

and loved me

did I completely kill you

do I deserve that trust

so implicit

are you as lucky as you think you are

I am the lucky one

he repulses me

I imagine

our lips embrace

as our arms

black

nothing

gin

tonic

and my smile

I smile as I think of you

I count down the minutes

no music

where are my headphones????

no sense of self control

do I want it?

Do you want me to have more

shall we survive together

taking the world on

whatever shit is thrown our way

constantly high

too high to care about anything

but each other

kyle maclaughlin is not cute anymore

he is sad

and old

and the old lecturer who preys on his pretty students

does fucking your lecturer really give you anymore brains

I wonder

does she think that he loves her

does she think that her friend is jealous

how can people be so blind

sometimes not seeing is a choice

it is better

easier

not to see than to face facts

keep the world as it was

and no harm shall come to me

I will not have to agree that I have behaved badly

white

happy

naked

truthful

his gaze follows her

she is beautiful

she doesn't think she is

she is sex

that is all she believes

she cannot be beautiful

they all left her

ignored her

didn't want her

didn't pursue her

didn't make her stay

he has had women before

many women

so maybe

she is not just sex

maybe

to him

she IS beautiful

but if that is true

then she has believed a lie

for so long

his touch has infected her

and ironically

cured her

somehow

somewhat

a little

a lot

she asks for more than she feels she deserves

he wants to give it to her

it feels like the first time

but

so unlike the first time

17/01/09

2009-01-22T11:38:00.000+10:00

Current mood: creative
Category: Writing and Poetry

........

I sit

they pass

each so different

yet

half a world away

the same

pink hair

tattoos

purple shoes

denim

everywhere

my history sits

written

waiting for someone to want it

16/01/09

2009-01-22T11:36:00.000+10:00

Current mood: artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry

........

I belong to no one

homeless

wandering

wondering

no name

no face

how can a brain travel so fast

when going nowhere

circles

it travels

round & round the mulberry bush

spinning until dizziness consumes me

I fall

down

I trust you to catch me

I don't even trust myself

what do I do now?

Should I effort

should I easy

you tell me to do what I want

you tell me you will come to me

what do I want

Is THIS too hard

why all this doubt

I was so sure

relax

breathe

Sat

Nam

Out

Breath is all I have

She watches him REM. What, she wonders, is going through his mind? His fingers move, tapping on her stomach. He plays, makes music in his sleep. All her words and questions have been received and heard and answered. Truth. Can I truly ask this of you? Am I just running from life's difficulty again.? Research, Visas, Lawyers perhaps. He strokes her head. “Everything is going to be great. WE are going to be great. And that's all that matters” A lifetime of worry, consideration of what is perceived by the greater world to be appropriate. Twenty-Seven years of doing what she THINKS others want her to do. Can I ask for outside assistance? The reliance on others has never extended to help in the material world. Is it too much to ask, and do they understand. Do I need their help, or, as usual, am I worrying too far ahead? One small step at a time. LA, the land of opportunity. HA, the land of opportunity is within me and what I allow to happen. Stuff happens, but we make it opportunity. Ride it. Take what is given. DESERVE IT. make it.

2009-01-22T11:29:00.001+10:00

12/01/09
Current mood: adored

........

how many is too many

how much is too much

how often is too often

my head hurts

aching with all the swimming thoughts

and because I fell

I was saved

he picked her up

and carried her to chicken

how I met your mother

I don't remember

he herded her away

quickly

to bed

what am I running from now

leaving you

I am afraid

12/01/09

2009-01-13T04:34:00.001+10:00

Category: Life

unclean
unworthy
unhealthy
unable?
un____
un____
unhuman

La la

2009-01-10T16:34:00.001+10:00

La la

Current mood: tired
Category: Blogging

well, i have at least made one decision regarding my life. I am going to go to LA.
There, Said.
Two friends of mine from the Academy days are on their way over for an industry exhibition. I am going to see them, and visit with them, but also, to perhaps make some connections. Because I would like to live and work in the US of A. Getting a Visa is seeming to be somewhat difficult. For me to get a work visa i need a job first and an employer willing to sponsor me.
So, off i go to walk the walk, and talk the talk.
And have a great time with my friends in La La land.

08/01/09

2009-01-09T10:09:00.001+10:00

Current mood: imaginative
Category: Life
He writes his brain out on a page. Electric impulses skittering across the room. They meet. She laughs. He speaks with words that have more meaning than any words ever have. Intense. Food, Music, Books and Movies. Thoughts and ways, similar yet opposite. How does she feel. There is no question of his feelings. He says she can ask anything and everything, yet is it the time to ask? Does she even know the question? He laughs, they laugh. They grind. They merge. Intertwining bodies reflect their twisting grey matter.
I go too far.
Words are now falling out of my beer soaked pen. A remnant from a life perhaps no longer. Sad much? No. Most of the confusion gone, escaped from my brain. Is this what will be best? I'm not sure. I want. She needs to push. Try this time. Open your life your chequebook and your heart. Can I say. Do. Be. Go. Love, Laugh.

08/01/09

2009-01-09T07:40:00.000+10:00

Current mood: grateful
Category: Life

He asks her what she's thinking and for once in her life she can answer without hesitation, because she knows that he will not find what she has to say silly or insignificant. He thinks she is intelligent and he tells her so. If he says it enough she may end up believing it. She is already beginning to believe his words.
"You complete me" she says, regretting the cliche as soon as she says it. But he didn't falter. As his arms pulled her close and his lips pressed against hers, she knew that he would always give her an oppurtunity to explain her unqualified words.
That he would always listen.

Currently listening:
Headhunters
By Herbie Hancock
Release date: 1990-10-25

07/01/09

2009-01-09T07:34:00.001+10:00

Current mood: adored
Category: Life

My life is mine to do as i please
I am pleased
I have found a part of me that is missing,
misused,
misplaced
You found me
I found me
I don't regret him anymore
I can look back without fear
without regret
My mind is clear from the clouds I created around him
My mind is cleaned and edible
Eat my mind
I taste so good
With each bite you take
I become whole again
And a part of you
I can say
I can be
I can do
Pretty face
Intelligent words
This is who you make me
Love is strong
Is that how I feel
Is that my strength
You make me weak
And
Strengthen me
I can say
Without persecution

Currently listening:
Headhunters
By Herbie Hancock
Release date: 1990-10-25

1/11/08

2009-01-09T04:31:00.001+10:00

Category: Life

Whatever makes you happy?
Only if it makes me happy also.
I have made you, whoever you are, happy for so long.
When in fact all that I ever succeeded in doing was making US not UN happy.
Excitement pulses through my veins and arterries.
Swelling my body to enormous size
I can acheive EVERYTHING
Including You
I do not wish to own
or be owned
but stick
reach out
I can feel my past and who I have been falling away from my new born mind
For the first time in my life I am ALONE
ENTIRELY
Perhaps only for a few days, but those 3 days it IS just me
With a language barrier
Por Abla Poco Espanjol. mas lento por favor
Do you think of me like i think of you?
I am asking so much
yet what am i prepared to sacrifice for you?
And is it for me at all, or just Coincidence?

Currently listening:
Greatest Hits
By James Taylor
Release date: 2004-06-08

USA

2008-12-28T09:42:00.001+10:00

Current mood: peaceful
Category: Blogging

Can't remember what I said in my last post about my trip, but this is me now.
I'm in the US at the moment, I stayed in London for a few weeks and came over here to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my host family. So here I am, staying with them in a small country town called Deville in Louisiana. I've just managed to extend my stay and I'll be in the US till the 20th of Feb.
I'm driving up to Chicago for new years with a friend, and will be there on the 31st and 1st. It's going to be effing cold!!!!! Need to buy a coat!
Then after the new year I will be staying with my friend who lives in Alexandria, the nearest city, for want of a better word! He lives walking distance to the mall where he works and there seems to be other exciting things to do round town too.
I would love to stay and work here (in the US) but Visa's are proving a tricky thing to get. I cannot even apply for a work visa till i have a job and workplace willing to sponsor me to come into the country. My fingers are crossed though, as I came across a business card in my wallet, from a shoe supplier from Kathmandu. We met at a meeting down in Melbourne a while back, and he told me to call if i was in the country. So I emailed him yesterday...... Here's hoping. The company in in Montana just near Yellowstone National Park, so it's in loverly country that i have already fallen in love with.
So that is me, up to date. I will def keep you posted on goings on and whatnot.

Currently watching:
The Wedding Date (Widescreen Edition)
Release date: 2005-08-16

memories

2008-12-11T18:23:00.001+10:00

Category: Blogging

you linger
and so do you

you are a world away from where i am
and you are so close but impossible

are you coming back
and should we give it a go

i don't know how you feel
and you are open to me

my body sighs a deep regret
and i am curious

i have never been so open about my life and fears
and i have never been so open about my behaivior and feelings

you tell me i smell good
and you tell me i'm a mess

you tell me i'm smart
and you tell me i'm smart

you tell me i'm beautiful
and you tell me i'm beautiful

you tell me i worry too much
and you tell me i need to grow up

spain?
england?

poison builds

2008-12-11T18:03:00.000+10:00

Current mood: betrayed
Category: Blogging

i loved you and you poisoned me
i didn't know
you poisoned me so slowly that couldn't tell
and now i feel unworthy, stupid, ugly, slutty, and boring
all the things you ever told me i was
i keep trying to prove you right for some strange reason
its much easier to believe the bad than the good
i never really believed you loved me
you did
more than i will ever know
or admit
and no one
no matter how often i hear it
no one
convinces me that i am worthwhile, smart, pretty, nice, and interesting
i need to be numb
at first i needed to numb myself against your poison
now i numb myself into false confidence
and nothing i do matters
cause it isn't me
EXCEPT
it is

Currently listening :
Quiet Songs
By Aisha Duo
Release date: 2005-04-26

then there were two

2008-11-02T09:23:00.001+10:00

then there were two Current mood:sniffly Category: Blogging
Wednesday we got up and drove to Madrid. Had to find a travel agent for G to get a ticket home, and internet for me to get a ticket to the UK and a hostel for my last few nights in Barcelona. That done, after a while we decided it best if we keep driving. time was running out to get back to Barcelona. so we drove. stopped in a little town just before Zaragoza. decided to get up early the next day and drive to Figures for the Dali Museum
Thursday. got up early, we actually started driving by 8. Damn Zaragoza though. there were roadworks going on and a 20 bypass of the city ended up taking 2 hours! argh. Messaged our mate in Girona telling him we were going to be up there, and he had the day off work. so decided to join us in the Dali experience. managed to pick Xevi up in Girona and then a quick drive up to Figueres. The museum was pretty cool :) unfortunately because of the season it closed at 5 not 7 so i missed out on the jewels, oh well, next time. Then we stayed at Xevi..s house which was really nice. we had a bit of a play around on his Wii, it was so much fun! and some porto port wine and chinese
Friday off to barcelona, its only about an hour from Girona so we left late from Xevi..s house. had to take the car back, and check into my hostel and then G had to catch a cab to the airport..... and then there was one! Friday was Halloween and the hostel i..m staying at was having a halloween party. too bad i didn..t have a costume though :( but it was fun. a couple of unexplained bruises. i don..t know how they got there, i think someone came and attacked me in my sleep.
Saturday, today, was a bit of a lazy one. I had a late night last night, so a late morning. then i had a walk around the big gardens in the city.
Sagrada tomorrow!!!!
then UK.
wowow

hmf

2008-11-01T09:16:00.000+10:00

hmf Current mood: sneezy Category: Blogging
well, after leaving you all in san sebastian lots has happened, including a REALLY long description of stuff to date on wed. but the computer ate it! argh.
so
Wednesday, Miercoles, we drove onward to Bilbao and the guggenheim museum. it was awesome, and the boys liked it too, which was a plus. the audio tour was really good as it gave you the artists view on their own work. spent a while there, and then onward to Oviedo, the home of the Sidreria or cider house. We went and had a late dinner (well late for us, but normal time for spaniards) at 10:30, Lots of interesting food and Cider, the waiters poured the cider with their arms stretched as high as they would reach pouring into a glass as low as their other hand would reach.
Thursday was a bit of a downer for me. I ate too much, and I don..t think my stomach agreed too well with the Blue cheese sauce i had for dinner. I didn..t feel too well and slept almost all the way to Santiago. We found a nice little place run by a nice family. the boys went out on the town but i wasn..t feeling too crash hot so i stayed in. The little old lady that ran the place brought me up some hot cabbage soup for my stomach :) it was really good. While i was eating i was practicing my thank you speech, Muchos Gracias, Me Siento Mas Lojar, Buenissimo. But when i went down with my plate the restaurant was packed and i wasn..t able to show off my new spanish. oh well. bed instead.
Friday i was feeling great after 13 hours sleep!!!!! the boys on the other hand were not so good. G still managed to get a few hours driving in and we made it to Porto, Portugal unscathed. Troy met up with his friend and we bid our goodbyes. And now there were two. G and I got a room for a couple of nights so we could get a nice rest and look around. Out for a small dinner by the river and a hunt around for the nightlife! but alas, nothing could be found. We eventually swallowed our pride and asked someone where the bars were. We were directed to the same area we had come from not long before, but up again we went. And hey presto, everyone in Porto was there! It was about 11 so we decided to have a couple of drinks and i had my first Mojito! Started chatting to a group of Croatians and had a great time with them for a few hours. after they went home i still wanted to party, so we asked around for a discotheque, andwere directed to one not far away. ended up dancing the night away with a group of locals untill 7AM!!!!!
Saturday, Sabado, we didn..t get out of bed till 4PM! decided to go on our river cruise at 5, which was nice. had a beer by the river. then walked around town, and had dinner at a quirky little place run by a guy who can speak 7 different languages! he made me eat all my dinner. then met up with our portugese friends again for a more mellow evening, that still ended up being very late!
Sunday we decided to stay one more night, which was lucky cause Gerard ran into some friends of his from Mallorca! had a nice afternoon with them, we went on a Port Winery tour, and bought some nice porto port. then a nice dinner.
Monday was the beginning of the trip back to Barcelona. We decided to drive down to Sintra in Portugal near Lisbon to have a look at the nice palaces and cathedrals there. was too late by the time we got there monday night, had a nice drive around and a nice dinner
Tuesday we got up early for our cathedral..s to hear the wonderul sound of gale force winds and rain. slept while we waited for the rain to stop. then up the mountain for some palace and cathedral action. but alas. the gale force winds forced the closure of the palace! argh. so we drove west instead to the western most point of mainland europe. I couldn..t open the car door! the wind was so strong, G thinks about 130Ks. got out, took a photo, and almost got thrown over by the wind. then off across to spain. stopped at a random hotel somewhere between lisbon and madrid.

españa

2008-10-22T01:21:00.000+10:00

España Current mood: thirsty Category: Blogging
After switching travel partners at the airport, Gerard, Troy and I started our trip up north. We stopped in a little town about an hour north of Barcelona called Girona. We stayed there two nights, first night was pretty uneventful for me as we had a blinder the night before with no sleep in Zaragoza. We were staying in a little place called a pension, that is kindof like a hotel/boarding house arrangement, I stayed there and washed my hair and caught up on some well needed sleep.
Friday we had a walk around the city walls. nice long walk, and amazing ruins. It..s so weird to see ruins just there, in the city, there has been no time for ruins in australia, so it..s all a little surreal really. had a nice picnic in the park with some fresh bread, olives, cheese and salami. what a way to spend the afternoon. had a bit of an afternoon rest, the out for some tapas before proceeding out for the night. the girl at the hostel recommended some places and we ended up at a nightclub called LUX, it was fantastic, and we met a group of loverly people, was fun having broken english and spanish conversation with them :) I now have my first spanish friend :)
Saturday we drove upto Pamplona! Which is a really wonderfully lovely little city. And it just so happened that there was a fiesta up the river the next day. so we had a little look around town on saturday night, some quite tapa and cerveza. Then on Sunday down to the river to check out this fiesta. Turned out to be a music festival of somekind, all sorts of stages and different types of music. Food stalls and market stalls. So many different types of people also, and lots of kids. Everybody walking around with a bottle of cider and blue cups. it was an absolutely great day.
Monday we made our way up the coast to San Sebastian. Seems there was a road closure and instead of the trip taking an hour, we took a little detour into FRANCE!!!!! found a really nice little beach town just across the border, had a little sit down in the park with some crusty french bread, cheese and ham. also had a croissant in france! hehe. Finally made it to San Sebastian had a little walk around town, climbed a hill, had a look at a big statue of jesus and watched the sunset, all in all, quite a good day
Today, Tuesday, Martes, we went for a nice walk along the docklands had a nice look at all the fishing boats. Seemed to be a whole lot of unwanted fish thrown back in the water and the seagulls were having a field day with all the free food! had a little sit down at a cafe for some cafe y te. The owner i think has a very good sense of humor cause as soon as we got our drinks he played ..Waltzing Matilda..though not any old version, TOM WAITS, hehehe. now it is very wet and gloomy, and i am soggy from walking down to the Ciber Networld, paying a little too much for my internet, but it was too wet to go anywhere else.
Onward tomorrow to the Guggenheim in Bilbao!

España

2008-10-22T01:07:00.000+10:00

Phew.... well were to begin. The trip was pretty good. Long of course, but i had a little TV to keep me occupied and i slept lots. Had a longish stop over in Kuala Lumpar and i got to clean my teeth, hop on the internet and i had a little snooze out side my gate. Had a little moment on the plane before i got to Heathrow as the plane was landing, after we had our seats in the upright position and the headphones had been taken away, the onboard music was playing ´My Way´ *Sniff* A little bit of timing never goes astray. Once I got too Heathrow I found my way all the way to the bus station for my bus to Stanstead. I rushed to get to the bus cause i thought i would be a long time, but the bus pretty much turned up when i did, and only took a couple of hours to get to Stanstead. I think i got there around about 6PM. Troy´s plane didn´t get in till 11, so needless to say i was a bit of a tired lump on a log at stanstead. had a bit of a sit down and a cider at the pub at the airport, then had a little feed at the cafe, then found a nice comfy piece of tiled floor and had a bit of a snooze, like the other 50 people sleeping at the airport. It´s a little backpacker city, it was funny :) our plane for Barcelona didn´t leave till 6 in the morning either, so a couple of short and uncomfortable sleeps later, and we were on our way! Our plane landed about 9 in a airport in REUS, which is South (i think) of Barcelona. had to catch a bus to the city, got in about 11. Met a fellow Aussie once we got off the bus, and all of us wondering which way to go to get into the city. The guy we met was meeting a friend and had a fair idea of how to get into the city so we all went on a nice long walk with our packs on, except our new friend was carrying a Mountain Designs pack! how dare he! :) He found his friends place, which just so happened to be down the road from the hostel we were trying to get to, so troy and i booked into the hostel, dumped our stuff, had a shower and went for a walk around. Lots of photos were taken, and we got very lost. Finally found our way back to the hostel, and i gave Gerard a call. Turns our Gerard and Omer we stayin just around the corner from Troy and I. We met up later that night on La Rambla which is like the main strip mall, for want of a better explanation. full of restaurants and some of the most amazing street performers. There was a couple of guys performing, one dressed as a magician and the other all curled up in a box with a puppet on his hand, they were so funny :) We went to a Tequila bar, had a few cheap shots of tequila and some beers. then we left and went for a nice night time walk around, and looking for another pub. there were an amazing amount of men on the streets selling cans of beer, Estrella (star) beer is the cheap local beer and they sell it everywhere, the guys on the street call it ´sexy beer´ hehe.Friday morning Troy was a little hung over, so i met Gerard and Omer and we went for a nice walk around La Rambla, and now the sun was up it was a lot easier to find my way around. There were some really nice markets there, and we had some fresh juice and some Spanish Pizza. then went for a walk down to the beach, and the sand was big! a bit dirty too. there were also dozens of asian women walking around offering 10 min massage´s for €5. Met back up with troy later on, and we four went out for dinner to an amazing restaurant around the corner and out of the way. Totally crazy owner, who practically told us what to order, he was funny. and the Best sangria. the jug was €18, but the only thing not alcoholic it was ice and a bit of lemon stuff. The food was amazing, we just had some baked potato creamy paprika thing and a plate with meats and cheeses. bread and oil to go with it, and a plate of olives. at the end of the meal crazy owner man poured us some shots of this stuff that tasted like smoked frangelico, and then another of this stuff that tasted like after dinner mints. it was all so amazing, and all in Spanish! argh Saturday the plan was for me G and Omer to hire a car and go for a roadtrip for a few days. Troy stayed in Barcelona with a friend of his. We didn´t call or book anything, just rocked up to a car hire place we had a brochure for, only to discover it was closed on saturdays...... so we found a hostel, and we were told that saturday night down at Plaça Espanya there is some amazing flamenco and lights. so we did some washing, and had a nice quite beer in the park. It was 9 at night, and there were still kids playing basketball, and families walking around, and older people also. there was also some local kids band playing, on a stage, with the sound and lights set up. it was great, they weren´t the best sounding band, but they weren´t bad, and it was just so nice, social. and a great oppurtunity for the kids to play a ´gig´as such, get practice at being on stage and whatnot. When our washing was done, we walked down to Plaça Espanya, taking lots of photos of course. when we got there, no flamenco :( It did mean a nice quite relaxing night for us though, got a sangria and walked around the Plaça taking numerous photos. found our way down to some of the Olympic Stadiums, where there was a concert playing, it was €35 so we didn´t go in, but hung around outside talking and taking photos and listening to some amazing music. then back to the hostel. Sunday, we got the car. yay. Started driving south toward Valencia. Stopped in a town called Tarragona, the weather was a little dreary, but it was nice. I really had to got to the toilet too, so I walked into a restaurant and asked in Spanish and he understood, and I got to go:) I spoke spanish and it worked! Because the weather was not too nice, we powered on and got down to valencia that afternoon. The traffic was so amazingly bizzare. Gerard is driving so he´s used to left hand drive, but the traffic is .... wow. i´m amazed there are still people driving cars around. nobody really indicates, and the roundabouts in valencia were funny. 3 lane round abouts, people changing lanes all over the place. there was also a section where there was 5 lanes of traffic, and then the lines dissapeared for a while only to be replaced with 3 lanes! if you were even a slightly nervous driver you would have ended up crashing. Found ourselves a nice three bed hotel room. then we headed out to look at the town, only to realise that it was 10!!!! so needless to say there wasn´t a whole lot going on. ended up walking around town, and the only place open for dinner when we got hungry was burger king. and just for the hell of it we all got Cerveza (beer) with our burgers. hehe. i´ve had a beer in hungry jacks! it wasn´t very nice beer though. Monday we had another walk around town. and checked out the internet, ever pre booked some accomodation! then we made our way to a town inland, south of Madrid called Toledo, the largest town in La Mancha! hehe, i´ve been to la mancha! We were staying in a hostel in a Spanish castillo (castle) cool. there was an amazing amount of cats around, all strays, but all clean looking and very nice. walked down the hill and had a couple of cerveza and some tapa for dinner. the across the river to have a look a the old town. and we got lost. took some photos. found ourselves. got lost again... it was a never ending maze. so many little streets and alleyways. a lot of the streets are cobble stoney, and very narrow, but cars still drive down them! nobody seems to have driveways and there are cars parked everywhere. The amount of Don Quiojte stuff is amazing! We didn´t go it, but there is a Cervantes Library with nothing but different editions of Don Quiojte. Finally made it back to the hostel and sleep. Tuesday we had a look around Toledo. got lost. photos. lost. we had some awesome tapa for lunch. and then found this really awesome museum of torture devices. it was a small museum all about the Spanish inquistion and how they used to punish people and whatnot. it was really interesting, but more than a little yucky. Then in the afternoon we drove down to another little ish town called Ciudad Real. We got there late, so we didn´t really do much. Decided to have our own little party in our room and bought a bottle of whiskey and some coke, and drank and watched Predator 2 in spanish and a game of tennis. Then the Epic journey back to Barcelona begins. as it is now Wednesday and Omer has to get on a plane to Heathrow at 2 in the afternoon on Thursday. We leave Ciudad Real headed for Zaragoza. but first..... we HAVE to stop in CONSUEGRA. WINDMILLS, the same windmills that Don Quiojte fought! cool. there are about 12 windmills, all restored, surrounding this old castle that has been, and is still being restored. it was only €2 to get in, so we did, and it was such an awesome castle. a lot of the rooms had been made up to look like they would have back in the day. it was all so relaxed too, you could touch things, open doors and windows etc. and we had the place pretty much to ourselves. lots and lots of photos. we had our own little picnic up on the hill underneath the shade of a windmill . We made it all the way to Zaragoza, but didn´t get there till late. And the map in the Lonley planet is of no help at all. even so with my amazing navigational skills we made it too the hostel, but...... it wasn´t the right hostel, there were two names on the piece of paper gerard gave me, and i was looking at the wrong one. by this time it is very late, about 11, and we don´t have the address for the hostel were had booked. so in our infinate wisdom. we decide it a great idea to get some beer and the speakers for the iPod and talk and drink in the park. so we did, it was great fun, and the park was amazing. the playground was pretty cool, but there were these chairs for all the parents watching their kids, and they had bicycle cranks where your feet go, and you couldn´t help yourself, you just had to pedal. so we were drinking, chatting and pedalling for a few hours in the park. then we had a few hours sleep in the car. At the time, a fantastic idea, but in retrospect, not so much. Thursday, after about 2 hours sleep in the car, we are up and Atom to Drive back to Barcelona in time for Omer´s flight. We did make it, we actually got the the airport at 11:30, plenty of time. our plan was to drop omer off, then pick up Troy, who was going to meet us at the airport at 12:30. we got rid of omer about 11:30, then went to get some petrol before coming back to pick up troy. Hung around the airport waiting for troy, who due to circumstances didn´t turn up till 2. then off up North to Girona. Stopped at a nice small restaurant by the beach in a town starting with M. ended up taking a while to get to Girona, go here at 7, it was raining, and we were getting lost. finally found a place to stay, and I piked and had a long shower and a sleep and the boys went out exploring. Friday (today) we got up late. the sleep did me real good. Had a walk to the tourist info, thought it was time to get a map and know where we are going in the place we are staying. walked up and around the old city walls, no pictures for me though, as my camera was out of batteries. but this afternoon, we went to a Supermercat to get some picnic things for lunch, and i asked for batteries in spanish, Tieres Pila, and he understood, and i understood the directions. :) tonight we are staying in the hostel, going to go for a nice walk around town, have a look at a fountain, that i hope is nice, it has a name, so i´m assuming it will be big. and then back to the gothic area that we are staying at for some cerveza and tapa. then onward through the basque country. headed up to drive through the pyrenees tomorrow, we have 6 nights, and 7 days to drive over to Porto in Portugal as Troy is meeting a friend there. then we are driving back to Barcelona, through Madrid. Troy leaves from Madrid on wed the 29th, and Gerard leaves for Mallorca friday the 31st. Am thinking I might stay in Barcelona for a few days after that, so i can see the Sagrada and other Gaudi things, and the Dali Museum and stuff. Am going to make definate plans soon, but looks like i´ll be flying back to England the first week in November. maybe stay for a few weeks, could pick upsome work, then fly over to the US.

falling into place

2008-08-08T17:57:00.002+10:00

well well, things seem to be progressing quite nicely i must say.

My wonderful weekend away with friends was quickly followed by what i assume to be the worst working week of my life. Which actually started Sunday afternoon after arriving back home from the trip away. eeewww...
5 twelve hour days later, i STILL have to go into work tomorrow at 6!
but all will be done and finished and goodly then, well, after i go back at about 10 to lock up and hand in the keys. Kathmandu DFO location will be forever done for and no longer. Then I will be a Kathmandu Hobo.
Funny thing, they keys at work, and the keys at home both have to be handed in on monday... the universe is trying to tell me something.
I'm so tired, I can't do anything, tomorrow is the day for moving myself out of this house. and i think that will consist of me throwing everything in boxes and looking at it later.

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

2008-07-29T19:40:00.000+10:00

Current mood: anxious
Category: Blogging

does change actually count if you haven't actually DONE anything that is different but just FEEL like a different person?
thursday could be the point of no return.
there have been three applications on my house! which means i'd better get packing!
argh, my meager effort of moving three boxes is a little un-useful.
more moving is needed
at least i'm eating some food from my freezer.
boerewors tonight.
weird curly african sauseage
quite nice

Currently listening :
Star Turtle
By Harry Connick Jr.
Releas

pieces in a puzzle

2008-07-27T17:44:00.000+10:00

Current mood: strong
Category: Blogging

my mind is a mystery to me. thoughts i didn't know where there come tumbling out at moments when everything seems serene. I thought I'd finished with these thoughts and feelings. Somehow I seem to be thinking about you, when you were but a memory of a life past, things done, and crossed of my list.
the last tear has fallen
emptying my heart
i fear rejection of myself. yet there is nothing worse than what has happened. so why fear?
habit?
humans fear the unknown.
but i know, and nothing could be worse than nothing
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what i want
I've allowed someone else to make my decisions for me my whole life, and have always avoided my emotions. Now that has come back at me ten fold and i'm being forced to find out what i want, and make my OWN decisions.
It is quite difficult now for me to unwrap my desires and thoughts and make decisions solely for myself.
JUST DO IT
stop explaining yourself to people and SHOW them
actions speak louder than words
my life doesn't come with explanitory notes, and it doesn't need them. like it or lump it
i have been absent from myself
i have been dishonsest with myself
and through my inaction and inability to open myself i have wounded myself and hurt the man i love.
Things don't need a reason, they just are

Currently listening :
Sunshine on Leith
By The Proclaimers
Release date: 1990-10-25

what?

2008-07-06T13:43:00.001+10:00

Current mood: melancholy
Category: Blogging

where am i? and how did i get here?

am i happy? am i sad? do i miss you?

WTF?

where did this all come from, and why now.

i have been living somebody elses life for so long, that i don't know whether i enjoy my own. growing up is strange. why do things have to change, when it's not broken, it just doesn't work quite 100%

how do i expect to be able to know what other people are thinking if i can't even work out what my own brain is telling me?

i should probably stop listening to my 'meloncholy' playlist. i think rather than reflecting my mood, it changes it.

why o why is life so confusing? i'm more open and honest now with myself and other people in my life, yet i can not be forthright with the person i want in my life. texting is genius, if i can't say it to your face i'll text you, and then stress about it for days until i get a reply that doesn't even answer my question anyway.

life sucks.

now that i care, and want it to work

am i reading signals wrong? are you just going to let me fall and not warn me? are you going to treat me just like the other one did? tell me lies and then ignore me? you've never lied, but i still don't know the truth. should i bother, are you worth it? wasting my days thinking about you.

i need facts

i have so many questions to ask

laziness takes too long

2008-05-20T19:44:00.000+10:00

Current mood: amused
Category: Blogging

i'm enjoying a somewhat healthy dinner of gluten free snags and steamed vegies. got home late after BAD traffic and didn't know what to have for dinner, was going to settle for something bad and 'quick' like shit on toast or a pie or something. Instead I in my infinite wisdom decided to get some snags out of the freezer and cook 'em. also thought some vegies were in order this week so i gots out my pre-cut (aren't i smart) vegies and put em in a steam bag in the microwave. in all of 15 mins (or not even) i'm enjoying a somewhat healthy meal, that is 100 times better than what i was thinking of eating, and quicker. Sometimes i wonder if being lazy is really worth all the effort? If I had of gone along with my original lazy brain, i'd probably still be waiting for my pie to cook, or be $15 out of pocket.
score one for quick and healty :)
I'm also drinking wine, which is low (ish) in kJ's and high in antioxidants.
W00t for me :)
tsk

Currently listening :
Banana Boat Song
By Harry Belafonte
Release date: 2002-04-22

what the???

2008-05-13T19:20:00.000+10:00

Current mood: jedi
Category: Blogging

for some strange reason i thought it would be a good idea to wander around the house doing whatever it is i do after work with my wrist weights on. They are only half a kilo each, but boy do they get heavy. typing is getting a little difficult.... I think i thought it might be healthy somehow.... i guess it is. i'd be doing all this stuff anyway, might aswell do it with an extra .5Kg on my wrists i guess. though i don't know how good for me it is to be drinking a cider at the same time though..........

there is a pattern emerging

2008-03-16T14:18:00.001+10:00

Current mood: crushed
Category: Blogging

Had a little trip down memory lane the other night. Read my Journal from front to back. I started the journal in 1998 before my exchange in the States, got all my friends to write in it for me, something to remember them by. Then throughout the year I wrote stuff, using it as someone to talk to I guess. I had only just started opening up to my sister before I left for the States, so I was using it as someone to talk to. All my thoughts and problems down in one book. Bloody weird to read it all back. I also used the book as somewhere to write down my thoughts when I was unhappy and couldn’t talk to Steve.
Why do I find it so hard to be honest with people who matter to me?
Seems I have a habit of not saying things that are important until it is too late. Either too late for the person I’m talking too or too late for me.
And now I’m trying to be more honest and upfront I’m being ignored.
I don’t like it.
I seem to constantly be in a state of confusion about my own feelings and others feelings. 6 years and I was never sure how Steve felt about me.
Maybe I just have to stop opening myself to people. I was happy for the last few months when there was nothing at stake, no attachments to what or who I was seeing. Its the opening up that fucks me. I just have to keep my emotions separate, totally. Can’t bring them along to the party, they just ruin things.
I hate caring
It hurts
It’s stupid

Currently listening :
Significant Other
By Limp Bizkit
Release date: 22 June, 1999

it's great!

2008-03-02T17:18:00.000+10:00

Current mood: accomplished
Category: Blogging

been a while.... i seem to start all my posts with that. I'm not going to make any false promises this time though, if i post, i post. Things need to be taken one step at a time. I just have begun to figure myself out, I cannot change myself in one foul swoop. I say I will, and I inevitably fail because it is all too much. Small things, baby steps. Getting there though. I had a great day today, and my only company was myself :)
I did get up late, but I was out late last night, driving, so I didn't get drunk. I figure at this rate, by the end of the year I'll be able to go out WITHOUT my car and still not write myself off. At the moment I still need my car as a reason not too drink too much, but again, baby steps. I really had a good time last night, and I always do whenever I go out and drive, don't know what my problem is.
Habits.
Bad Habits. I am a habitual person. With everything, drinking too much, eating too much, staying in the house. It's all because I have formed habits. I drink fast when I go out, I eat when I'm bored/sad/watching telly/on the computer, and I don't leave the house because on my own... well I think I can put that one down to thinking about things too much and getting all self concious.
I can't say I will never fall back on these habits again, but I do know that now I am aware of what I am doing. That's a start.
See where it leads :)
Positive day today though. I got my shit together and I WALKED down to the shops today, probably and 40 min walk, to buy a grater. Went with my walking clothes, and a backpack to put my shopping. I also went into Supercheap and walked straight up to the counter and asked for what I wanted, sounded like a bit of a dick, but I did it, and it wasn't bad, the ground didn't swallow me up, no funny looks from others, AND i got what I needed. :) It's hard to believe that I've spent so long being afraid of what others think, I'm not that important. I also walked all the way home from the shops, and into supercheap, with a plastic colander in my hand, as it wouldn't fit in my bag. Again, not ground eating me, no nasty comments and I felt fine.
WOW

cross stitch creator!!!!!!

2008-02-07T23:20:00.000+10:00

Current mood: tipsy
Category: tipsy Blogging

right, so i've been commissioned by my mum to stitch fantasic goodies for a gift for a friend. cool. now i just have to decide what to stitch. we decided on a theme. and i like it! have decided to download a trial of a program that will allow me to create patterns from any picture, i'm very close to thinking i will buy it, it's only $49! we'll see how the patterns turn out i suppose. i download three days ago, and decided on the picture, made the patterns and all sorts, only to realise (cause i'm a total idiot) that a printer needs paper to be able to print. ha. oh well, am going grocery shopping tommorow, shall pick a ream up then. bombs away, patterns galore! haha.
it's currently 11:17 a night, and i am listening to the whitlams (whom i haven't listened to in AGES!) and cleaning the house for my first ever inspection tomorrow. ooooh, the pool is still out in the backyard. can't really put it away either as it is still wet from all the rain.
there's a girl going crazy 'bout you and i'm not far behind

Currently listening :
Eternal Nightcap
By The Whitlams
Release date: 01 January, 1999

why?

2007-12-27T02:24:00.000+10:00

Current mood: confused
Category: Life

why do i miss him so much?

how do i miss him, when i miss another also?

he is part of my soul

and i don't know how to cleanse myself

rid me of him

would it be easier if we to go back

i'm having so much fun

an then whithin the same day i miss him so mcuh

not one thought, and then nothing but

it is so sad to see good love go bad

maybe i listen to music too much

i don't like my profile picture anymore

i'm not that happy

although sometimes, most times, i am

there are just times when i am SO not.

Yet when andrew called on Christmas day

I was so happy

I missed him, even though i didn't think i did

Yet i didn't really think about Steve at all.

but now.................

what the f*$^ is that about

Carol King is an amazing woman

She always has the right thing to say no matter what the circumstance.

All on the one album

It's too late babe, now it's too late

Something inside has died

Should I hide it

Is this something i should share with him?

Am i allowed to use him as a pillar? as a sounding board? as someone to help me through this?

Selfish

Thoughtless

I can't wait for 2008!

Currently listening :
Tapestry
By Carole King
Release date: 25 May, 1999

pathways

2007-12-17T20:24:00.000+10:00

Current mood: calm
Category: Blogging

baby steps. i cooked myself dinner for the first night in goodness knows how many weeks. slept last night too. that was novel. me thinks i have been a little out of control for the last few weeks, and now i've started to get a hold of myself again. so far so good.
have a few days off at the end of the week, and i'm looking forward to them. although, i do need to organise and finish my christmas shopping. last monday i went christmas shopping and ended up with 4 bags of stuff for myself! i think a little more planning is needed next time.

absence makes the heart grow fonder?

2007-12-11T21:22:00.000+10:00

i have been away for quite a while haven't i? goodness knows what i have been doing, oh yeah, that's right, drinking too much and going out on school nights. and that dreaded place FACEBOOK has been taking up most of my internet time. must stop getting hooked to that place. i don't know what it is i do on there all the time. I SHOULD be using it as a way to keep in touch with friends i don't see all the time, instead i think i use it as a form of entertainment. hmmmm..

?

2007-12-05T23:23:00.000+10:00

Current mood: melancholy
Category: Life

How can one person be so UNMOTIVATED?
I'm having the time of my life, keeping extremely busy, having a ball. but i have no motivation to do anything with myself. I'm stuck in a career rut, with no intention to find another path yet, it's all too hard. I don't know what I want, i wish somebody would tell me.
When I'm with Steve I want nothing than for him to ask me to come back, and it'll all be better than ever. Everything i've ever wanted. but when i'm not with him (or heaven forbid with somebody else....) he doesn't even cross my mind.
I like the contrast of black and white, why can't life be so easy?
I KNOW that i don't want to go back, I KNOW that i am happier now etc..... but why all this emotion shit? It's Stupid!

mine mine mine

2007-11-15T19:59:00.001+10:00

Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life

i am writing this at my OWN desk with my OWN internet connection in my OWN house (well rented anyway...)
I am an independant person!
weird
moved in on Monday 5th of Nov. had the monday and tuesday off work, which worked out nicely, and have pretty much finished unpacking and stuff. now i just need to go on a huge-ass shopping trip. i need a washing machine!
it's a lovely little place in Virginia, right near work, takes me about 10 mins to get there every morning which suits me just fine.
It's a one bedroom plus study house with the most mahoosive covered entertaining area, with it's own bar, TV and water feature! and then there's the back yard, i swear you could play a game of football properly out there. AND it's next to a park, so only one neighbour to annoy with my house warming party. Which all of you readers (I think there are only 3!) are invited. If you don't have the address, or i haven't sent you an invite, message me and i'll give it to you.
can't wait, now i just have to plan it...... hmmmmmm
TTFN

Currently listening :
She
By Jr. Harry Connick
Release dat

i'm back!

2007-11-09T20:29:00.000+10:00

Current mood: a little sad but mostly excited
Category: a little sad but mostly excited Life

i'm in my new HOUSE, with my internet connected! i feel normal again. it's broadband but wireless so it's not quite as quick as i have been used to with cable, but i think i'll get used to it. still is pretty quick really. now i just have to get a phone. the phone connection came with the internet but i don't have an actuall handset that will work with it, so i need to buy a phone! more for the never ending shopping list.
lovin my new place.
i'm having a house warming on the 8th. message me if you want to come. would love to see you.
bron

Currently listening :
Leaving On a Jet Plane / I Dig Rock ’N’ Roll Music [ 7 inch VINYL single. 45 rpm ]
By Paul & Mary Peter

again

2007-11-01T22:50:00.001+10:00

Current mood: contemplative Category: Blogging
can i keep an old friend, someone who was there for me for so long. is parting easier? no one is going to answer this one for me.
its my problem isn't it. i need to start making my own decisions and answering my own questions. it's only me, i have to start relying on myself.
i can do it

guilty

2007-11-01T22:49:00.000+10:00

Current mood: distressed Category: Blogging
how does love end?
one day forever,
the next 'who's next?'
i can't wait to be in my own place
have my own things
decorate
am i allowed to be happy
have i caused too much pain
i left it too long
unsure for too many years
all this time feeling i was putting someone else first
when in fact
selfish
i should have known, guessed or asked
but it has taken calamity for us to make a connection
it is too late
and i am sad for that
but i want to have my own life
i'm guilty

get me out of my brain

2007-10-23T20:53:00.001+10:00

Current mood: confused
Category: Life

i'm such a fucking dick.
confused and stupid
sad and happy
i wish i had a time machine
could fly to the future
fix the past
tears are like soft ocean
forever rolling
like the tide my heart is high and low
screaming for attention
pulling at the strings to make some music
saddened by what i hear
scared of myself
of being alone
excited
i wish it were six months later

Currently listening :
To The 5 Boroughs
By Beastie Boys
Release date: 15 June, 2004

to the grindstone

2007-10-12T15:28:00.001+10:00

Current mood: aggravated Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
why does everything happen at once? and then for like EVER nothiing seems to be happening? All hell has broken loose at work, the manager of the store has been away sick for 3 weeks, and is not coming back for at least another week! to make matters worse staff throughout the company are dropping like flies and our regional manager wants to take the only remaining staff member from me who can open and close the store.... i'm NOT working 7 days a week!

a new phase in my life

2007-10-02T22:21:00.001+10:00

Current mood: sad Category: Life
i am now single. I don't suppose there is much more to say on the matter for the time being. It has been three days. and i am sad.

what have i done?

2007-09-25T19:31:00.001+10:00

Current mood: rushed Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
arghhhhh, sitting here with a glass of wine (on my way to pour my second) with no dinner as i didn't have lunch till about 5! I was apparently getting trained a little for my new position as assistant manager on monday, but as MY luck would have it, Rosie got rear ended at the lights on her way to work and hurt her back and had to go home. so no training for me. then, training was meant to happen today, but being as Rosie had some 'soft tissue damage' (whiplash) she was feeling pretty stiff today and didn't come in to train me. So, busy day, a transfer of 20 boxes came in, training a new girl on her first shift and dealing (a little) with a staff member who would rather be sleeping, and I don't even know my real job description. YAYA! Keeps me on my toes though. I must be a glutton for punishement cause i dig it. Although my relationship with Matt at work has changed now that i'm his 'boss'. We're still friends, but I don't think i'm going to be the one he messages to join him when he's out at the Beat anymore. oh well, i guess thems the breaks.
I think I thrive on stress.
Although, I think I don't tend to stress so much as PANIC
I need a Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy

i'm so hot right now!

2007-09-19T18:15:00.001+10:00

Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
tee hee, i'm now (or at least, starting monday) the Full Time Assistant Manager at Kathmandu. tee hee, i'm so important! It does mean working 5 days a week again, don't know how crazy i am about that, but it does also mean i will have some disposable income for the first time in a long time. i'm spending my money already!

Apocolyptic Fast Food

2007-09-06T11:43:00.001+10:00

Current mood: artistic Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
We joined up at Blockbuster on Tuesday!!!! I'd forgotten how awesome it is to get movies. Steve and I did have a little bit of a dissagreement, but i think with us that's just the way it is when searching for DVD's. I think the best thing is for us to go our separate ways and come back with two movies each. Will have to try that next time. We ended up getting four movies and a game. We have watch APOCOLYPTO and FAST FOOD NATION. they were both very good.
APOCOLYPTO got me a little interested in finding out about the Mayan culture etc. It ended up being a 'chase' movie. Good guy kidnapped by bad guys, running away from the good guys. And I think that was all it was meant to be. It was just set in the Mayan civilisation, in Mayan language no less, which I read is the first time EVER for a movie, and many Mayans still around (I didn't know they were still around did you?) were very thrilled at hearing they're language on the big screen. I wonder how many ancient and nearly dead languages Mel Gibson will put into movies, it seems to be a habit he's getting into. The visuals were amazing, I want to go to Guatemala now. The lead actor is a 25 year old Comanche native american from Texas, and he is one of only about a dozen actors in the movie not from Mayan lands. cool huh?
FAST FOOD NATION was very good too, even if it did make me go 'eewww' throughout the whole thing. It is a fictional movie based on a non fiction book about the fast food industry in America. In particular focussing on the meat that is used in burgers. Following three major players in the industry. The Marketing manager of Mickey's (do we get the comparison there?), investigating particular patties for particular burgers that are said to have cow poo in the patties. A group of Mexican border jumpers that are working in said meat factory producing the poo burgers and a teenager working in a local Mickey's. One of the mexicans was Fez from the 70's show, it was a little weird hearing him speak with a normal voice, and in mexican no less.
Four stars for each! I recommend watching them both, for different reasons of course.
FAST FOOD NATION will change some people's eating habits. I don't know if it will change mine, but it did make me go 'eeww' a lot.
APOCOLYPTO is not a completely factual movie as i learned, but everything was based on fact and lots of research. As long as you don't use it for your thesus on Mayan culture you should be right, it made me curious to find out more about them, and other ancient meso american cultures.

Uninspired

2007-09-04T10:35:00.001+10:00

Current mood: amused Category: Blogging
i think i worked everyday last week! I got the weekend of for Steve and Lisa's wedding and Fathers day, but goodness there was lots to do. 'Spring Clearout Sale' is on now, so last week we had to REARRANGE the WHOLE store. As we are a clearance store, we don't carry the current catalogue stuff. we just have old stuff, so when we are part of the generic Kathmandu sales, we have to get the new stuff out onto the floor, doesn't sound too bad, 'cept the sale started on Saturday and we couldn't bring any of the stuff out till thursday! Even though we started on Wednesday, we still didn't get it all done. As long as the place was tidy before we opened (which it was) all is not lost. Though i do wish we weren't part of the Kathmandu sales. It just doesn't make any sense to me to get stuff in that we don't normally sell, to sell it off cheap and send it all back at the end of the sale. Oh well, that's was Head Office's are for I suppose, to make your life hell. At least that's what I've always found.
I have to start organising myself a little better. I had a major wardrobe malfunction before the wedding. I got so upset and angry that I almost didn't want to go. And all because I can't put things back where they belong. I'm great at organising and alphabetising, but as for keeping things put away and in their rightful place, for some reason I just don't do it. I'm a little scatterbrained. need to unscatter I think. I've been starting to, i've been writing things down on my calender and google calender, so I at least know what I'm doing on what day. now I just need to be able to organise my time a little better. I'll get there.
Currently listening : Demon Days By Gorillaz Release date: 24 May, 2005

absence

2007-08-19T19:31:00.001+10:00

Current mood: hungry Category: Blogging
i have a new obsession at the moment, 'facebook' so you'll have to bear with me for a little bit while i re-adjust myself and make it back to my blog. there are so many people on cyberspace. have made many many new (old) contacts for my 10 year high school reunion next year. yay.

mary mary quite contrary

2007-08-11T11:08:00.000+10:00

Current mood: awake Category: Blogging
even though i got up late this morning (10AM! you'd think i'd be sick of late mornings.) i have done stuff today, and i'm wearing my 'working' pants. ie. the pants that have a little bleach spot that i don't mind getting grubby. I feel good, i'm not going to do nothing today. I have made an 'appointment' with cam to go over her place on monday and take the remaining photo's for my first assignment, then when i get paid i'm going to buy some paper and print those suckers, tee hee. i might even get my assignment in the out tray BEFORE Sept 1. woohoo. What a difference a week makes. Last week i couldn't do anything, and felt close to worthless, now i feel somewhat accomplished and motivated to get going. i've already done a load of washing, and cleaned up the bedroom of all the floor junk. I've had a go through all the vegie seeds too and i'm going to give the garden another go. hmmm. we'll see how long it takes that damn palm next door to kill them all. So mary, get your gardening gloves on and lets see how this garden grows.
Currently listening : The Universal Masters Collection: Classic Michael Jackson By Michael Jackson

lazy

2007-08-05T11:18:00.001+10:00

Current mood: aggravated Category: Life
why am i so lazy lately and how do i fix it? i am not motivated at all to do anything! i don't even want to go out and hang the washing up. and it's not that i enjoy doing nothing, i do love being busy and acomplishing things, but it is easier to be good at being lazy than to 'maybe' fail doing something else. I have set myself a goal to finish my first assignment by Sept 1. which i thought was ample time, maybe a little too long, but time enough. and i haven't really taken any photos, i'm not motivated to do so, even though i know i only have 3 weeks left to take them.
What am i doing?

Domestic Goddess my Butt!!

2007-08-01T12:32:00.001+10:00

Current mood: lazy Category: Life
Our house is an absolute mess! and i'm sitting here thinking of things i can do OTHER than clean it. damn. Why oh why do I wait so long to clean the house, then it gets to a real state and I procrastinate the cleaning even more, worse and worse it gets until i have to spend a whole day cleaning and sweating. Then the process starts all over again. Maybe we should get a cleaner in... Tee hee.
Right, here I go to clean the bathroom, worst job first makes the whole thing more acceptable i think, then i can slow down and the day progresses.
Although, it IS lunchtime, maybe i'll just have a spot of lunch before i get into the hard slog. You do need energy when cleaning the house. it's a good work out. hmm, now what will i have for lunch??

Twerp with a Camera

2007-07-28T03:37:00.000+10:00

Current mood: annoyed Category: Art and Photography
i feel like a twerp with a camera.
At the beginning of this month I started a correspondance course in photography. I've been a (relatively) good little studier, reading my textbook and tutorial notes, finishing all the written requirement for my first assignment. And now I have to go and take photo's... I don't know why I feel silly with a camera, I think everyone is looking at me and wondering and thinking i'm crazy or something. Irrational I know... Why I care so much about what other people that I don't even know think about me is beyond me. It's always been a mystery, my logical brain knows that they don't care, and even if they did they don't matter, only the opinion of my friends matters. I don't know why I need to be liked by strangers. I know 'A Stranger is a Friend you haven't met yet' and all that, so if they really were friends they wouldn't mind that I was wandering around Chermside with a camera hanging around my neck. If I have someone with me all is good, I'll have to drag Steve away from buggies and Ninjas... hmm.
Damn, I think we need a new washing machine, it's making loud noises.

getting better

2007-07-19T14:33:00.001+10:00

Sydney was so cold, and when i got back on Monday I was sick..... better this morning, but getting over it, so i still sound crook though feel a lot better. I've finished reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (no. 5) and have found out that i have read it before.... hmm, how did that slip my mind? I musn't have concentrated too much while reading it the first time, cause i remember the beginning and the end, but NO recollection WHATSOEVER of the whole damn story. Weird, maybe i am losing my mind... Tee Hee

2007-07-08T11:51:00.002+10:00

lets fly away Current mood: melancholy Category: Life
going over to my mum's today to discuss plans and dates for an impromptu trip down to Sydney. My Grandfather passed away on Thursday and we're all gathering together for a celebration of his life (I guess you'd call it a Wake) on Saturday. I'm sure he is glad to finally be relieved of his suffering, toward the end he wanted it to end, but was not allowed by law to do so. How can the law be fair when I can put my dog down, and end his suffering but a Human Being does not have the same control over his life??? Even when machines and pills are keeping him alive in the first place.?
He donated his body to the University and they have accepted it, I'm sure it's going to be a good learning tool for them, so many operations and so many interesting things to see I'm sure.
It is a very sad thing, and I am sad, but I haven't cried yet, and don't feel the need to cry, I don't think I will. I am not sad for me, I am definately not sad for Grandpa, I am sad for my Grandmother and sad that I will lose Stephen one day. I am also very sad that I'm not sadder, I am reminded very much of when my other Granddad died, sure I cried, but I was fifteen and you are meant to cry when a loved one dies. At least that's what I thought, and that's why I did. I thought that if I didn't people would think me selfish and heartless, and I'm not.

2007-07-08T11:51:00.001+10:00

Current mood: melancholy Category: Life
going over to my mum's today to discuss plans and dates for an impromptu trip down to Sydney. My Grandfather passed away on Thursday and we're all gathering together for a celebration of his life (I guess you'd call it a Wake) on Saturday. I'm sure he is glad to finally be relieved of his suffering, toward the end he wanted it to end, but was not allowed by law to do so. How can the law be fair when I can put my dog down, and end his suffering but a Human Being does not have the same control over his life??? Even when machines and pills are keeping him alive in the first place.?
He donated his body to the University and they have accepted it, I'm sure it's going to be a good learning tool for them, so many operations and so many interesting things to see I'm sure.
It is a very sad thing, and I am sad, but I haven't cried yet, and don't feel the need to cry, I don't think I will. I am not sad for me, I am definately not sad for Grandpa, I am sad for my Grandmother and sad that I will lose Stephen one day. I am also very sad that I'm not sadder, I am reminded very much of when my other Granddad died, sure I cried, but I was fifteen and you are meant to cry when a loved one dies. At least that's what I thought, and that's why I did. I thought that if I didn't people would think me selfish and heartless, and I'm not.

Movies movies movies

2007-07-02T15:55:00.000+10:00

Current mood: full Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
thought i might start talking about some of the entertainment i have been entertaining myself with, namely at the moment movies, and when i have finished reading it, books and whatnot.
so heres a movie.
GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN
my goodness, what can i say about this film? If you get a kick from all things eighties then this is a classic, running a tie i feel with such wonders as FOOTLOOSE. In fact, they are both about dancing and going AGAINST the rules. Plus it has Sarah Jessica Parker looking very young and eighties, but I think the highlight is Helen Hunts wardrobe, it is to be envied, never have i seen such a display of wonderful styles and colours! I'm jealous! The plot itself is quite fluffy, and you'll know what is going to happen and good 30 mins before anyone else in the movie has a clue, but it's enjoyable fluff about a young girl who loves to dance and gets the chance of a lifetime to become a regular performer on 'Dance TV'
I would give this movie 4 out of 5 stars in the 'no brain required' genre
PS I made the BEST raisin bread the other day. LOVE raisin toast in the morning. mmmmmm

Currently Listening : Get on Board By The Badloves

First of many i 'spose

2007-06-24T17:11:00.000+10:00

Current mood: confused

I guess this is the first of many mini-failures when it comes to my 101 goals. I missed a week! Not just of blogging though, I SO missed a whole week of my life. It was weird, last week didn't really exist for me, yet it was so busy it felt like two weeks, and I'm all confused. My sister's boyfriend got back from a trip OS on Friday, and I thought he was already back last week, and then for the last few days I've been under the impression it was still last week, still writing the correct dates, so I dunno what is going on with my head! I think this working casually thing is confusing me a little. Must fix that. I'll get used to it soon enough. I've also started posting my Blog on Bebo too now. So if you can't get enough of me you can read about my exciting life via THREE blogs now, all saying the exact same thing, so don't worry, you won't miss out on anything. Tee Hee..>..>
Currently Listening : Alone with Everybody By Richard Ashcroft Release date: 00:00

only 142 to go

2007-06-12T15:03:00.000+10:00

Current mood: accomplished
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
Well, the first week of my 1001 days is over, and i do feel a little different. I've begun my 101 goals in 1001 days, and actually having things to acheive and organising things for real is an interesting experience. I haven't actually thought of 101 goals yet, but finishing the list is one of my goals, and even though the list is incomplete, i've still completed two of the goals on my list!
I have been spending a lot of my free time lately organising my finances etc. which is a little funny. I've never really had to plan my usage of money... it'll be interesting, as i've only given myself $60 a week play money, including petrol, which probably seems like a decent amount (maybe) but i've never really had a limit. All the rest after real expenses is going to pay off my credit cards and SAVE lib..ving on $60 a week should be OK, especially since i'm not going to be downing $100 everytime I go out anymore!!! I'm staying sober till my friends wedding on the 1st of Sept, and after that for the rest of the 1001 days i'm not drinking more than one drink an hour, so i will save a lot of money that way. We've also only eaten out once this week, so that's saving a lot of money too, and getting some vegies into us.
I'll keep you posted on my progress. This blog is also one of my goals, to post at least once a week, so you will here from me..
te hee
Currently Listening : Saint-Saens: Carnival of the Animals By Christopher van Kampen Release date: By 25 October, 1990

work in progress

2007-06-05T16:13:00.000+10:00

Current mood: melancholy Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
So had a great time at the BBQ i went to on Saturday, until the few too many drinks i had hit me. I'm glad i was with people who care for me, and I'm glad they still do. Thank you. It has been happening too often, and I do not know why. It's been going on for too long too, so until i find out what the cause is, I'm sober.
I have also started a list, a list of 101 goals to achieve in 1001 days. Thinking back, I don't think i have ever actually completed a goal i have set for myself. And I think i have always considered myself a failure for that, but now I realise that I was never defining my goals correctly and therefore they were set up for failure. I have a good little website that gave me the idea, and is helpful with goal definition and following through and whatnot. It is a work in progress, I only have 37 goals written at the moment, but the list is a goal in itself. So here goes everything, and cheers to the new me.

i'm SO the best

2007-05-30T19:38:00.000+10:00

Current mood: cheerful Category: Life
well my last loaf of bread did turn out good. One of the girls at work has quit, which has given me a whole lot more shifts this week, instead of the two days on and five off, i now have five on and two off. which is good money-wise, as i'm casual, specially working sunday. woo hoo. Today i was a domestic godess, well, kinda. did some washing, then we went down the shops and had sushi for lunch, yummo! when we got home i felt like baking, so i did. I also had to make bread. AND IT IS THE BEST LOAF IN THE WORLD. I'm taking a loaf to the BBQ on sat (maybe i'll take two) and people are so gonna love me. haha. make friends through food, it works so well. I baked some Almond biccies aswell, made a shitload of them, and i'm taking most of them to work. Which by the way I do like now. I think i was just having a real girly day on my first day. My hair needed a wash, and I was wearing pants that are way too big for me, so that made me feel bad too. We also moved our lounge room around. 'Cause lover boy has a steering wheel for his Playstation and he's finding it uncomfortable driving whilst sitting on the couch, so he made a table for it and now is driving comfortably sitting in the comfy POANG. See I told you I was the best. Great biccies for my work mates, the best bread in the world, AND I let my boyfriend rearrange the lounge room to suit his gaming needs. HA.

it's looking good

2007-05-26T09:34:00.000+10:00

Current mood: anxious Category: Life
well so far so good on the bread front. haven't opened it yet, but it looks and feels like a kick ass loaf. don't know what the determining factor was though, i have new 'bakers' flour, i used bread improver AND i was called in to work yesterday afternoon, so it was proofing for about 5 hours, i forgot about it till i got home!
i'm also going rock climbing today!?! don't actually know if i'm going to be doing any climbing or not, but wish me luck.

Let's give this another go

2007-05-25T12:08:00.000+10:00

Current mood: frustrated Category: Life
thought i might give this another go. tell you all what's going on, though not much is happening, but hey, that's the point of these things isn't it? let you all in on my exciting life, hehe. Had my first shift at Kathmandu yesterday. I felt horrible, all girly and silly. 'Nobody likes me' 'I'm not as cool as them' and the ever popular 'i'm no good at this and i'm going to get fired!' Never being sensible about it and realising that is is my FIRST shift, and i'm not going to be any good at it, as I'm the only one there that hasn't worked there before. Even the damn English backpacker (who is at this stage my only friend) has worked in an outdoor store before.... Oh Woe Is Me!! I feel so much better after wallowing for a while. New course of action; I am going to be MYSELF at work, not try to be a 'cool Kathmandu person' as I'm not. I'm boring, I like cross stitch and spending my time on the computer. I do know who PINK is and I still like travelling. So Ner. I hate my own head sometimes. Stuck between caring about others opinions of me so much it hurts sometimes, and then at the same time KNOWING that it doesn't really matter. A logical-fact knowing brain has no place in an emotional girls head.
b*
I almost had to cry before though. I'd just bought some special 'bakers flour' for my bread and opened the 5Kg bag to find a weevil Moth, lovely. he hadn't gotten into the flour though, they had a special seal that stopped him, good thing too cause i may have had a nervous breakdown
Currently Listening : Scissor Sisters By Scissor Sisters Release date: By 27 July, 2004

i've been diablo'd

2006-04-14T14:49:00.000+10:00

my new name is derek the druid, and i can summon ravens to peck out my enemies eyes, and wolves, a vine that poison's my enemies and one that eats their corpses to give me life, i also have an oak spirit who restore's my life. woopee for me. steve and i have set up a net work and we are sitting next to each other playing an RPG, talk about quality time!!!! but it is all fun. very fun. we've been playing since i got home from work yesterday with a sleep break in between. what a way to waste a long weekend

he didn't get me

2006-04-12T08:58:00.000+10:00

I was visiting my parents on the weekend and my mother pointed out that my last post mentioned the serial killer from wolf creek getting me. well he didn't. I am fine and well, just spending a little too much time working and not really doing much else. Wolf creek was the last movie we went out to see, and for us, that's a long time without going to the movies. We do have pay TV now though, and find ourselves watching a lot of bad TV. although now we've (or mainly me) has goitten over all the crappy american shows there are to watch, we're mainly watching sport, at the moment cricket. Adam Gilchrist rocks. even though we came out of the first innings badly, for a man who can't bowl or bat, he helped us look less like fools
I am taking a 'mental health' day today, and boy my mental health is looking better and better. AND i have the four days over easter off.

will i?

2005-11-15T18:57:00.000+10:00

if nobody sees or hears from me tomorrow, that is because Wolf Creek scared me to death.
we'll see

communication is key

2005-11-14T22:03:00.000+10:00

people everywhere who work with other people, please remember; COMMUNICATE with your fellow workers. not only does this develop a happier work environment, it also means that everybody gets the chance to do a job to its full potential.
And Communication does not count when it is too late, or close to what you are trying to achieve.

mmm... brownies

2005-11-13T10:01:00.000+10:00

i just finished making a mess of the new kitchen making brownies, they are still in the oven, i hope they turn out. Using a fan forced oven for the first time, does that mean i require less cooking time??? i'll have to check that out... i hope they are good
taking them to work, and leaving a few for steve, the boys at work have been hounding me for ages. so now i finally have a kitchen all my own to cook in, they'd better watch out
we went shopping today for lots of stuff, you know starting a working pantry again, we spent $240!!!!!!!!!! oh well, these things have to be bought, now hopefully, we won't need to buy much pantry stuff for a long time.

it's been a long time

2005-11-12T16:54:00.000+10:00

now i'm coming back home.....
now i have a home to come back to. this is so great, we finally moved into this place, we've been waiting for so long. They had to replace the roof before we moved in, and that took a long time to get going, then when it was going, the guy doing the roof had some unexpected deaths (yes more than one) in the family on the same week he started the roof, so a four day job took about 16!!! ah well, we moved in tuesday, and now we have so much room, we don't know what to do with it. which is fantastic, now i can go to the shops and buy flour, and do some baking!!!!

CHICAGO

2005-06-01T02:29:00.000+10:00

Well, we have finally made it to Chicago!!! and its brilliant.We arrived in Chicago yesterday at lunch time, after spending a night in a lovely little town in Wisconsin called Sheboygan. It was so pretty there, right next to the lake. well, the only reason i can say its a lake is because i've seen the map. you wouldn't guess it was a lake by looking at it. it is so deep and blue like the ocean, and you can't see the other side no matter how clear the air is. i've never seen anything like it. we decided to stop in sheboygan as steve was sick of driving, it was only about 3 so we thought we could have a nice relax once we found a motel, only it took us about and hour to find one, to our surprise a bustling town (50,000 or so people) like sheboygan only had 2 to choose from. we finally found them, and decided on the motel 8 as it was about $1 cheaper than the other one. phew! Sheboygan was so leafy and green, and hardly any of the houses had fences, it was such a pretty and quiet place.
Before that we were in Minneapolis/St Paul, called the 'Twin Cities', because they are so close i think. St Paul is the quieter more subdued of the two, it is also the Capital of Minnesota. We didn't stay there long, very nice, but not much around except for the cathedral. we stayed in Minneapolis and had a bit of a walk around there, looking at the sculpture gardens and the conservatories. lots of lovely flowers, and we saw the biggest furriest bee i have ever seen. i swear it had fur on it like a mouse, only black and a little yellow, and it was huge!! it was probably as big a a five cent piece, only not the same shape, and with wings. couldn't get a good picture though, as he kept flying away from me. Another interesting thing in the conservetory, they had Lantana. Interesting considering its considered a pest back home.
Now we are in Sunny Chicago, and it is, the sky is blue, and the sun is shining for the first time in days. i swear the clouds have been following us in the car. went for a little walk around yesterday after we arrived. had a look at the Tribune Building, it has bits and pieces from historical buildings and sites built into the outside of it. so we have pictures of bricks from the Great Wall, Berlin Wall and the Twin Towers to name a few. The Architecture here is amazing, althogh we have noticed not a lot of amazing NEW architecture, it is all old, and the new buildings are all square and somewhat boring, but is is a beautiful place. We arrived on Memorial day though, so our perception on the people and busy-ness of the city is somewhat skewed. Half of the shops and restaurants were closed and the streets were full of people. the Lakeside was packed. Lots of people out on the beach (the lake has a sandy beach, can you beleive it!) soaking up the rays, but not so many people in the freezing water.

Jackson Hole

2005-05-21T02:51:00.000+10:00

sounds like an inviting place doesn't it? Jackson Hole, but it is so lovely here, all the driving we did through boring old dusty Wyoming, and we find this place. i don't really think we found it though, its the last town before reaching Yellowstone, so I think it pretty much found itself.not so much happening since denver except a lot of driving. we did doss down at rocky mtn National Park for a night, went for a walk that ended up being very long indeed, much needed exercise though. drove through a place called Fort Collins, nice place it was too, of course. and encountered the boringest lanscape yet, and dodgy looking towns, small and dusty. Stopped in a little place called Rawlins, and as i went to pay for the room, i noticed my wallet was not around. lots of time wasting and investigating later (i think it all took an hour) we discovered that i had left it in the 7 11 in fort collins. so we took a detour and drove back to get it. all in all the rescue mission, including 30 mins for taco bell, took about 5 hours. didn't get back to Rawlins hotel till about 1 am, and boy we were tired. but happy to have the wallet back, and amazingly no money was stolen, yay.no we are in Jackson hole, just hanging around today, i think we are going for a short walk/hike up a tall hill, and then we are going to the movies. yaya.

Colorado Springs

2005-05-13T10:05:00.000+10:00

hasn't been too long since i've been here, so not much has happened. colorado is still lovely, much better now we are a little closer to sea level (if you call 6000 feet close). stayed in a little place called Gunnison last night, and steve went fishing in the SNOW!!! can you believe it, almost technically SUMMER and its snowing. i stayed at the motel and watched a lot of dodgy cable TV, all of them repeats of Buffy, CSI and the cosby show. been catching up on a lot of Full House lately too. ahh John Stamos and that HAIR.In Colorado Springs now, big place, not quite so many people as other city's though. nicely nestled in between some nice mountains. Onward up a mountain tomorrow and then its off to rainy Denver to hopefully catch up with a friend from high school (in OZ, not here)

colorado, utah, new mexico and arizona

2005-05-10T10:49:00.000+10:00

we've made it to sunny (but kinda windy and a little chilly) Colorado.
From Las Vegas we drove over the Hoover Dam, very big, not a lot of water at the moment though. You could see where the water usually is though and its missing about 2 metres. Dry dry Arizona (and Nevada). the dam is kindof split in two because it covers the border between the two states. one side provides water and electricity for Nevada, and the other for Arizona.
then onward to the "Grand Canyon" huge hole in the ground that goes for miles and miles. we did want to camp there the night, but as we've found with most national and state parks, most of the campsites are closed for the winter, and the only one that wasn't was booked out :( so we didn't spend much time there alas, but we got to see it.
we drove directly west from the canyon through and Navajo Indian Reservation, which is weird and i don't know what is really going on, as there are still roads, highways, buildings and city's in the reservation. i'm guessing it is land that has just been given to the Indian's to do with what they like, i'm not sure. but we camped the night in a little town called Tuba, which was nice as the site was only $15 and the showers were free!!! our campsites have been over the $20 mark and either have no showers or you have to pay for them. the campsites over here are very different to ours. i think camping is too popular over here, they are very well maintained sites though, clean, with paved roads, and you can bring your dog.
we've stopped in a little town called Cortez in Colorado now, which is part of the Ute Indian Reservation. on our way we passed the only point in America where four states meet. steve took a photo of me with my feet in the two states we didn't go to, Utah and New Mexico. there were a lot of Indian market stalls, selling pottery and lovely jewelry, lots of jewels. lovely.
and that is it for the time being, onward and upward to Denver and the Rockys, hopefully to spend about a week in Colorado, already we can see it is a beautiful State. Many mountains very tall, the tallest mountain is over 14,000 feet!!! lots of snow on those beauties.

rain rain

2005-05-07T04:33:00.000+10:00

onward from santa cruz to Yosemite, to spend a couple of nights camping, or so we thought.... rained and rained, so no camping for us :( drove around yosemite for a while, but with the rain and the cold it wasn't that wonderful. i'm sure that when the sun is out it is a wonderful place, there were some amazing rock formations. too bad we didn't get to see it in all its glory. we drove on until steve could drive no more, and stopped in a little place called paso robles and stayed in the worst motel i have ever stayed in, but that was ok, the bed was comfy and that's really all i wanted. My birthday!!!!! woke up early in the dingy motel, and we went to denny's for the hugest breakfast i have seen, for $5.99 we got 2 eggs, 2 bacon, 2 sausage, a slab of ham and a hash brown, only to be followed by 3 pancakes. yummy, but too big. drove down to santa barbara, which is a lovely place, all the houses have white stucco walls and red tile roof. kindof expensive place on the weekend too, so we camped in a smaller town not far away called carpenteria. nice place, but the campsite was small and $25 for the night, right next to the train line. went out for italian for my birthday dinner, that was also massive, fed us for 2 meals. love that.down to LA the next day, we stayed for 3 nights, had a nosy round mullholland drive and sunset blvd. went to universal studios too. back to the future ride!!!! he he. drove through bel air too, but alas, no fresh prince :(in las vegas at the moment, have been for 3 nights, trying to find a place tonight to stay in. have played a bit of roulette, getting free drinks while you play of course, and overall we have won $270!!!! that's paid for our accom so far and then some, so not a bad trip overall. a lot of the big casinos are confusing, i think we spent 10 mins trying to find our way out of MGM grand yesterday. went to M & M world, so many different colours, i think they had 40 different colours on display, they also had themed Star Wars colours, and you can get custom printed M & Ms. going to try to see the Follies tonight, lovely ladies dancing around with wonderful costumes that cover nothing, but i think they are all sold out. we'll try our hardest though.well that's enought yabber for now

we're here!!!!

2005-04-19T04:10:00.000+10:00

well, we finally made in to the US of A. the journey was long, and painful, but we are here, fully rested and feeling fine. its 18/04/05 (or as the yankees say 04/18/05) and we're in Portland. we arrived in seattle on the 12th at 2:45pm, we actually managed to find a rental car at the airport, we got a pretty good deal actually, everyone in Seattle was so nice. we drove around for a bit getting lost, before eventually finding a motel to crash into. had Taco Bell for dinner, cheap and huge, it cost us together $6.13, steve got a mini pizza and 2 tacos, and i managed to get 2 soft and 2 crunchy tacos. the drinks were huge, i swear they were 1L each, i had mine for about 2 days!!!we saw quite a bit in seattle, quite a few starbucks too, Seattle is the home of the first, and i think there was one on every corner... We had a Bread bowl filled with seafood chowder, nice, but very rich, a little too much. went up the space needle, science center, and the science fiction museum. the science fiction museum was great, i wished we had enough money and time to go to the Experience Music Project too, but we had to choose one, and the Sci Fi museum was so interesting. a lot of information about all sorts of things to do with the genre, books, stories, tv shows and movies. everything was covered. they had some interactive exhibits there too where you could learn about different ships and planets that make appearances in different books, shows and movies. told you all about the Red Dwarf, Enterprise, all the Star Wars ships and even some i had never heard of from books i now want to read.only spent the night in portland, and now using the internet in the library, and we're off, down the coast stopping and camping and then inland to Crater Lake, which i think is the same place that starman went home. then off to California

i'm all big kev about it.

2005-03-17T19:50:00.000+10:00

i'm finally starting to get excited about our USA trip. unfortunatly haven't had the time lately to add to my blog, or to get excited about USA. but now, instead of working 55 hours in the week, i'm working a more resonable 38 (official,) or 41 (more likely). i've finally got my teva's, of course not the one's i was after, but still a good shoe, and at 30% off, who can argue.
happy st patricks day everyone!!!

portable music

2005-02-26T16:27:00.000+10:00

i received a lovely package in the mail today, i had bought a iTrip and PowerPod for my iPod over the internet. the iTrip allows me to be able to play my iPod songs over the radio, and the PowerPod is an in-car charger. so we are one step closer to our fantastical trip OS. I now have 8.8 days of songs on my iPod, and room for about 30 more.... don't think i'm going to fill it somehow. was very excited when i gots it. I love getting things delivered to me, its like christmas after you've snuck a peek in your mum's closet the week before. still fun, almost a surprise, but you know you'll like it. i also have a package on the way from Amazon.com. we've ordered a Rand McNally road atlas of the USA, and i thought i might get some CD's while i'm there, and i ordered, Outkast; Speakerbox and the Love Below, The Beach Boys; Pet Sounds, and Cherry Poppin Daddies; Zoot Suit Riot. all in all i think a successful trip.

officialised

2005-01-18T21:19:00.000+10:00

it has now been made official at work. i haven't received a pay rise (yet) but i am now the "PRINT DEPARTMENT MANAGER" which means, its mine, all miine, and i can do (and make others) do whatever i want. hehe. they gave me power.
it has been utter chaos at work lately though, finally gots the new computer program last week. huh. our computers were turned off on monday morning, and we didn't get them back until about 2 on thursday afternoon. many many teething problems, that include making me sit infront of a computer (My computer at My desk, hehe) to try and sort them all out. oh well. its all fun a games, keeps my heart pumping....

i have finally got boots too, it was a big fluke, we went to Kathmandu to buy steve some TEVA's and ended up with boots for ME, a scarf for ME, gloves for ME and ear keep warmers for ME, oh well, fun fun. I was very impressed with my purchase though, got myself a $300 pair of boots for $120, wahoo.

back again

2005-01-11T13:53:00.000+10:00

i had been away from my blog manager so long that it had signed me out, and i had to try to remember what name i had used as my sign in. tsk.
christmas and new years took up a little too much of my time.....
but its all over now, so all i have to think about is work, yaya.
i just recently got back from a work trip to melbourne, all expenses paid (even all my grog). very interesting experience. went down to head office for the allans Print Managers Meeting, which was an interesting experience to say the least, specially since i am new to the whole allans group, and i'm not even officially the Print Manager at academy yet. had a lot of fun doing boring things like going around wharehouses looking at books, and talking about books, and discussing the different types of books we sell. all very boring and grown up, but fun. but at about 5o'clock on both thursday and friday nights the fun began. thursday we got taken to a really nice italian place (melbourne of course....) and ate so much food and drank so much wine, it was fantastic. then on friday night, we all went to the Sandringham Yacht Club for dinner and drinks, and didn't eat so much there, but drank even more wine, and that was when the trouble started..... i didn't want to go back the the hotel, i wanted to keep on partying, so i did. went with a few of us back to Petra's place for more drinks, overstayed my welcome there, and then went out with my BIG BOSS, to a pub for more drinks, decided it would be a good idea to get us both a tequila slammer, ha, good idea my bum, that was when the real trouble started... i don't think i got back to my hotel till 5:30ish. then i had to get up the next morning at 9 to do some work stuff, spent the rest of the day walking around a wharehouse looking at books. i would have been more excited if i wasn't so tired.....

degrassi

2004-12-19T04:06:00.000+10:00

i used to watch degrassi jnr high, and then degrassi high, almost everyday when i was younger. i managed to catch an episode of 'degrassi the new generation' the other day, and i was surprised and happy to see all the old gang there. older of course, but now they are the teachers and the parents, very strange to see, also attacking the same kindof story lines, but with newer baddies, like the internet and stuff like that. i was a little impressed with canadian tv after that, although there is still a little part of me wondering if they will ever let it go.
it's non rating season now, and we see the reappearence of all the old shows we've always had: friends, sienfeld and the simpsons, and the ugly head of the 'new' american shows we always get lumped with this time of year because nobody would watch them any other time of the year like hope and faith, and according to jim, where a very worn out jim belushi has discovered that he has no more movie career, so i'll juice my fame as long as people who know me are still alive. though sometimes i think these shows are better than the one's we get on prime time rating season. i think i can safely say i have now seen every episode of the simpson's, even though i don't watch it so much any more, its pretty hard to get out of a week without at least one episode, on a normal week there is 4 hours of the simpson's on free to air tv. can't get away from that little yellow family

no boots

2004-12-06T06:16:00.000+10:00

well, we did go to KATHMANDU yesterday, and spent up a storm, but no boots. :( discovered that K is one of those stores that have definate and short seasons. so the boots and TEVA's that i wanted when i was there last time 6 months ago, are not avail any more :( so next time i'll have to go prepared with socks and time to try on shoes etc. we did get lots of clothes though. i got the comfiest pair of stretchy jeans, quick dry and ultra warm too. i think i could live in these. gots a skirt made out of the same denim too, and a pair of 3/4 pants that are also so light a comfy, thermal underwear, a really warm jumper jacket thing and a couple of quick dry shirts. all in all a good day. and we went to the sushi station for lunch. yummy.

iPod

2004-12-05T04:52:00.000+10:00

i have an iPod!!!!! i am now taking up all my time ripping my CD's onto it. and for some reason that means that i don't do anything else on the computer. i have neglegted my emails as well. weird. but that is all better now. i have remembered that i can do other stuff at the same time so here i am, doing other stuff. at the mo i am ripping my "best fo david bowie 1974/1979" i am now working through my CD's alphabetically, which isn't hard, as that is how they are displayed on the shelf. although i have missed a few, all of my Beck Cd's are in my car, and somehow that is too hard to rectify at the moment, i mean, i have to walk all the way downstairs to my car, open the door and then open the glove department, i mean sheesh.
i went dancing last night, stayed out till 2, and i feel fine, bit tired though. but guess what? i'm not at work on this fine a sunny saturday morning. and i'm getting every second saturday off from now on, we have more people yayayayayayayaya! although, i'm not using this day to its full potential so far, i think the plan is to finish doing the stuff we need to do on the puters, then walk down to the city for sushi and shopping at JB and KATHMANDU, they are having a 50% off sale, there christmas one this time. we went to the SPRING/EASTER one, missed there autumn one, and now we are going to the CHRISTMAS one. hehe. i think i'll get my shoes today, pair of walking boots, and a pair of TEVA sandels, then i can really look like a traveller.

not me

2004-11-25T12:39:00.000+10:00

i have made a decision that i am NOT the kind of person who will update their blog daily. it is just not who i am. i just don't have enough time, i really do practically speaking, but when you include the hour or few of computer games, and the hour or few of sitting on my arse watching the tv, there just isn't enough time. unfortunatley i am not in contact with a computer all day to be able to. oh well
i bought a ten pack of cds today in preparation for my re-starting of my cd making career. i've taken up the alphabet again, i am just about to do H. which makes me HAPPY, hehe..

i am a tycoon

2004-11-22T17:00:00.000+10:00

my life has been temporarily (?) been taken over by the silliest little shareware game called 'lemonade tycoon' don't know what is so intruiging about it, i make lemonade and sell it. that's about the gist of it all..... so whats the big deal??? i think i am going to have to delete the game, although i went all day without playing it today. hip hip hooray. somebody shoot me.

paddo shmaddo

2004-11-15T06:11:00.000+10:00

the two people who used to live with us have bought a house.... went over there last night for a house warming of sorts, not a bad joint, potential plus as the real estate would say. had some really nice sausages from the sausage king, lamb and mint, very nice. went home about 10:30, and then i decided it would be a good idea if i went to the paddo to meet some friends. these friends mind you i have only met once, in june. really nice people and it was good to finally meet up with them again, after all the silly text messages over the last 5 months. i think i drank a little too much though, i think that goes hand in hand. didn't get too drunk though, remember the whole night and i only spent $50, which i think is a good effort, including cab and kebab, AND the four pack of drinks i bought for the party. we played pool, not much else to do at the paddo. and i managed to win two games by sinking the black ball at the pivotal moment, then lose it both times by sinking the white straight after. shame shame.....

goosey gander

2004-11-13T14:38:00.000+10:00

i am such a knob sometimes. i was silly today at work which resulted in me falling almost flat on my back in a not so delicate manner in front of two of the people i work with. i'm refusing to call them work collegues cause i don't particularly think the term fits well with my work, and i find it hard to spell the word correctly, and even if i do, it always looks wrong anyway, its like acompanist (????) silly words. telephoning, polyphony and awry.

empty mornings

2004-11-12T16:27:00.000+10:00

i don't know what i'm going to do when adam and will leave the morning show. i hope someone good replaces them. maybe it'll be john safran? or dooles? who knows, i guess i will find out in 11 days.

van bron

2004-11-11T16:25:00.000+10:00

van helsing (?) kicks ass!! many australians and CG stuff makes for a good movie, although i seemed to have misplaced my brain for about 2 hours. and we watched TROY today too, ummmm, would have been better with bad dubbing and clay stop motion creatures. sinbad was way cooler, i did feel like a bit of a dick today when we were watching. i've discovered of myself that i tend to be one of those people who always refer to the book of the movie they are reading. i'm reading the illiad at the moment, not finished yet, but i did keep refering to the book while we were watching, and i think i do it a lot. hmmm. time to make a change i think, cause i don't rightly like it when other people do that, and 'do unto others' etc etc.

dungeon siege

2004-11-10T17:07:00.000+10:00

how can a computer game take over your entire evening, i just sat down to play for a minute, and whammo it's 11pm

over taker

2004-11-09T13:21:00.000+10:00

so i think today is the beginning of the first time bronwyn tries to write every day. i say the first time because i have faith that i will not continue writing every day. well today was the first day of the new work. we have been bought, by a larger national company called allans. which i think is going to be a good thing, already is because i got a $4000 raise today without even asking for it, which i think though means i was on the poverty line before. oh well, extra $50 a week won't hurt. a few people were let go, and i will miss some (maybe only one) of them. wasn't done in the most compassionate way though, all five of them were taken into the office and told together. which isn't the best way to do it, specially since three of the five did not see it coming at all. oh well, as they say life does go on, and it will. so all in all today is a good day, not only did i get more money (yay), i think i got the promotion i am after, although we haven't been told, but i have been given a few hints, AND we're going out for sushi tonight. YAY

i am still alive

2004-11-08T08:48:00.000+10:00

well, i am still here, and i haven't forgotten completely about my blog. have been a little preoccupied lately. lots going on at work, and because the air conditioning STILL ISN'T FIXED my brain i think is in a permenant melted state and no good for anything that requires forethought, which isn't the best way to be when your working in retail, or anywhere for that matter. also, i have my own computer now, and i have forgotten about all else except dungeon siege, and kazaa.
we have also come a little closer to planning our US trip. yay. not too close though, as i have to see what the verdict is at work, i'm kindof sorta in the running for a promotion. not so much a promotion as the title and recignition for what i am currently doing, and more money. if i do get the job, we will have to cut our trip a little short, not too short mind, i'm not having a job dictate to me whether i do this or not. i won't go for anything less that 10 weeks, and if they don't like that, well i'll just have to stay on the same money, and hopefully less work.
looks like were going to fly in to LA or SAN FRAN, fly over to Louisiana to see my friends and family, and then fly to MIAMI where we are leasing a car and drive up the east side, across the top throught canada in parts and then down the west side and fly home. sounds like fun, i'm so excited.

sick

2004-10-20T02:26:00.000+10:00

i'm not at work today, i have a cold.. snifffffff......
wasn't at work yesterday either, because of my cold. funny thing about being sick and taking days off work is that i (kinda) feel fine, but i know that if i was at work, actually doing anthing, i would feel like poo.
i'm getting a computer today. steve is making me one, so i can play my games anytime i want. and install the games i want. and download the songs i want. woo hoo. getting my iPod soon too so that should be lots of song downloading fun!:)
i've changed the font too, or so i think, i'll have to see once i have posted this.....

:(

2004-10-05T06:26:00.000+10:00

i'm sad, don't really know why, just a little blue. probably also doesn't help that the air conditioning doesn't work and its got to be 35 degrees (or more) in here. blah
also i drank way way way to much on saturday night, i cannot remember a few hours of my evening and that is never good.
don't know what happened to me, when i was young and apparently stupid, i was always a good girl, not drinking too much, drinking lots of water and eating before i slept. now i seem to just keep drinking, and drinking, and then a little more drinking.
"hi my name is bronwyn, and i'm an alcoholic"
hmmmm

not even a mack truck

2004-10-03T10:51:00.000+10:00

i'm back at work after nearly two weeks off, hmmm.........
my holiday was either less or more eventful than i would have wished..... on monday, when i was getting into the mood to go to the zoo, i received a call from my sister that changed the spin of my holiday. my grandfather was very sick and not expected to last much longer and we were going down to sydney to see him. by 12 we were on a virgin flight to sydney. not much more to say about that trip, he was sick, now he's better and going home soon. (probaby already home) i don't think anything can kill that man, he's been battling on for a good 20 years. in that time he's had a quintuple and quadruple bypass, 6 (or so) strokes, a few mini ones, a couple of small heart attacks and angina attacks. he's still there, good ol grandpa, same man he ever was, just a little slower is all. watches a lot of tv.
i discovered last night that i like wine. went round a friends place for a wine a cheese night. he'd bought some nice wines from margaret river i think. and they were nice. never actually liked wine before, and i can't work out whether i'm growing up, or getting used to the taste. no matter, my mother will be proud.

second to none

2004-09-27T06:02:00.000+10:00

its the sunday after the wedding, and i'm feeling good...
it was a beautiful ceremony, as far as wedding 'ceremony's' go, everything was so beautiful and it was just amazing the way miv and jules were staring into each other like they were. can't begin to imagine what was going through their minds, as i know i feel very differently about marriage than they, and a lot of people there, do. a 'wedding' is very much a christian celebration, and i have been to a few weddings lately that feel perverted in a way, because the couple involved are in no way involved with God. miv and julia's wedding, and Lyd and rick's are two exceptions to this, as they are all involved with the big man himself. i feel the commonality of the 'wedding ceremony' and its traditions somehow have a cheapening effect on all of the christian marriage traditions, which is not fair, as there are people out there, many of them, who hold this traditions and practice them because there is love in their heart for them. so yesterday was really nice to see these traditions done with love and meaning.

this is the beginning of the end my friend

2004-09-17T09:47:00.000+10:00

right so, don't quite know what i am trying to achieve here, but i thought i would give it a go. a good friend of mine has been posting for a few months, and i read a post of his the other day, saying that he was doing this to get over a 'fear' if you will of openess, which i do have also. so here goes..... hopefully i will keep this up, because i am a chronic giver-uperer. i do know one thing though, my posts will not be daily, too much like hard work....

ummmm stuff....... at work at the moment, bored poo-less. not much happening in the world of the 'Australian Academy of Music' ah well. keeps me off the streets as they say.
been pretty busy lately, my sister has come back from england, only for a holiday, hmf.
i'm also pretty excited, as i have a day of hen's wonderfulness tomorrow. friend of mine is getting married next weekend and tomorrow is the hens. for a whole day!!!!! beauty parlour in the morning, followed by a scrummy lunch at the sirromet winery, and then off to another friends place for a classy evening girly party. not too much dodgy penis shaped paraphenalia but a small (and i use that word on purpose) amount. penis ice in our drinks, which will be interesting to behold i should say.....
well my sister is here to pick me up from work, and off to the hens tomorrow night
yayayayayaya